It Started With A Twitch...

December 28th, 2017. A day I will never forget. To most it was just another day in the midst of the holiday season, but for me it was the day that changed me as a person and a day that changed me as a Mommy. I had spent the day with my two little boys, enjoying the new presents after the fun little Christmas we had together. With a two and a half year old and a nine month old who was very attached to his mommy, life could get chaotic.  But, I was in love and I was happy and I was ready to bring on the year 2018.

And then that twitch happened. 

We had just finished giving the boys a bath and getting warm jammies on, ready to settle in for the night. As I was nursing Brecken to sleep I noticed his arm start moving. It was like a very rhythmic shoulder shrug in his right arm. And the first thing that my mommy gut (and maybe a RN background) thought was... its a seizure. The second thing I did was call my mom. After panic set in I called the nurse line. And when I lost control 911.

The paramedics came to our house to take a look at Brecken and gave us what felt was the worst advice in the world. "Just monitor it." Something did not feel right but I was outnumbered three to one and decided to just let it go and watch him overnight. Which now I realize I should have listened to my own instinct. Arrrrggggghhhhh. They left and we all fell back to sleep. A couple hours later I woke up and tried to wake Brecken up. The twitching had gone from his arm to his shoulder, back, other arm, and very quickly became his whole body.

And so we called 911 again. And the two EMT's that showed up the first time were at our house again. As much as I want to say they were helpful, they were not, and it was quite frankly the worst medical encounter of my life. When your world is turning upside down and your baby is not acting "normal" it would have been nice to have your feelings validated... but another day another story. Since we had a two year old sleeping at home, Brecken (and myself) took what seemed to be the longest ambulance ride ever to Children's Hospital in St. Paul. Watching my sweet little tiny boy seizing, strapped into the stretcher, knowing I couldn't hold him or help him was so hard. And I had NO idea what really was in store for him, me, and our family. 

The second we walked into the hospital, I swear there were angels around, they were disguised with nursing scrubs. The second one of the nurses laid eyes on my little boy, without hesitation, had me immediately pick him up and bring him to a room where they started work on him. Mommy gut was 100% right, he was having a seizure, and FINALLY I was being heard. They were starting IV's, taking labs, and giving medications. He was having full body seizures and they couldn't stop them. He got a CT scan and an MRI, and within just a few hours of being admitted, was in the PICU at Children's hospital, intubated (on a breathing tube), and extremely sedated. And I couldn't even hold him. 

I can vividly remember every second of this night like it was yesterday. It turned into being a horrible night and little did I know it was only the beginning. That day is when this crazy, emotional roller coaster of a new life started. This is why I am here now, the person I am today, sharing my story, and why this blog happened. Today, one year ago, is the first day of the many "firsts". And the first hardest day of the rest of my life. 

**For those of you that have been on this journey since day one, here we go again. For those of you who have joined along the way. Welcome, I am glad your here. Your my village. 
*Photo Credit : My awesome cousin Amy Knutson :)