Tuesday, October 15, 2019


It has been 15 months since my baby boy left my arms and gained his angel wings.  Even just fifteen months ago, I often feel like it was yesterday, but also kind of like eternity. Fifteen long months of on and off waves of grief and that giant hole in my heart. Child loss is not fair. I am forever a mom of an angel.

October is an important month for moms, dads, and families who have experienced a loss. October 15 is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  October 9-15 is Child/Baby Loss Awareness Week. The entire month is filled with memorial walks, candle lighting, and events to honor and remember all those sweet little babies and children that left us all too soon.

There are so many different ways to honor and remember loved ones. Here are a few of my ways that Brecken will forever be remembered!

SAY THEIR NAME: Brecken is often talked about in our home. We say his name with a smile on our face and we say his name with tears in our eyes. But we will continue to say his name. And I would love for you to say his name too. Brecken was always..... Remember when Brecken.... When Brecken was a baby..... While Brecken was in the hospital.... Ask away. Say his Name!

Remember that even after a couple months, even after years, during holidays, during certain dates and times, we still need your SUPPORT! I have to say, I have amazing friends and family. I continue to receive little notes, text messages, hugs, or gifts that help me through. I never know when something will send me a huge wave of grief or sadness. And sometimes I seem to be doing much better than I may be doing on the inside. But I cant tell you all enough how much your love and support mean to me, and to all those moms and families dealing with their loss.

Know there are RESOURCES to help. No one has to grieve alone. Although sometimes I find myself doing a lot of my grieving and crying alone, I share a lot here with you. Because I cant do this alone. Attending Faiths Lodge and meeting other amazing families who have experienced loss as well was by far the best thing I could of done for myself and as a couple. I am also a member of an online group on Facebook, where I have met other parents who are going through exactly what I am going through with Brecken and his genetic Alpers Syndrome.  Other groups like Compassionate Friends and Therapy groups also have been helpful. There are so many local and global resources!

HONOR YOUR CHILD: We honor Brecken in so many ways. We have attended Childrens Hospital Walk for Amazing, Mitochondrial Energy for Life Walk, and Faiths Lodge Hope Walks and Rolls Memorial walk. We have our annual Birdie for Brecken golf tournament raising money for places like Crescent Cove and Faiths Lodge. We attended a weekend getaway at Faiths Lodge. We celebrate his birthday and honor him on the day he gained his wings. We always will remember our sweet boy when we see a Giraffe, and always will have Raph The Giraffe hanging in our living room. We look at pictures and remember his smile and laugh. 

Light a Candle. October 15 is International Wave of Light night. For Brecken or for any other baby or child you know, light a candle.  Brecken and all his little friends will look down from the skies and see all those who are thinking of them. I can see Brecken smiling now :)

To all those other Mamas out there, I think of you, I am here for you, I am with you. Love you.

#breckenstrong  #mommingstrong