Sunday, July 18, 2021

In Three Years.


In three years a lot can happen. In three years a toddler can become a full blown mini adult. In three years you can welcome another sweet little bundle into a family. In three years you can gain, and lose, friendships. In three years you can learn a lot about yourself and the people you are around. In three years you can learn how to live through a national pandemic. In three years you can change and grow. 

But in three years you can also miss a ton of milestones. In three year you can miss numerous birthday celebrations and holiday surprises. In three years you can miss a lot of sibling fights and kissed boo boos. In three years you can still feel that empty gapping hole in your heart. In three years the tears still come and you still miss your baby boy more than you did the day he gained his angel wings.   

It doesn't seem real that three years ago I held my baby boy for the last time. It seems unreal to me that someone like Brecken could be take away from us. He was so dang cute. His smile lit up the world. He was so strong. I still wonder why. Why would this happen to me. I still feel guilt, and anger, and think of the what ifs and the should ofs. 

But in three years I have tried my best to remember every bit of what he left us here on earth. He left us his bright smile. He left us indescribable strength. In 16 months he changed the world for the better and I promise I will continue to spread that joy and love. Just like Brecken would want me to. 

Miss you buddy. Love you to Infinity and Bebob. 

Love mommy.