Thursday, May 24, 2018

When plans change.

Life can really throw you curveballs.

I have learned one thing in the last few months: just dont make plans. That morning I had a to do list. I was going to have a get crap done day as I like to call them. I was going to tackle the flowers, yard work, errands, laundry, groceries, and well whatever else I could fit in that 8-4 shift while Brecken was in the trusty care of the nurse at our home and with Easton in tow. Nothing goes as planned though. I feel like the world has a weird way of saying there is too much going on, slow down.

And before I knew it we were heading back to Childrens Emergency Department to get Brecken checked out for worsening pnuemonia and some nasty respiratory bug. It didnt take long to hear the words... We want to admit you to the hospital and watch him closely overnight.

So there I was digging out those well worn in "hospital slippers". Packing our bags for what I hoped was just a one or two day stint in the hospital. Going back to eating take out or cafeteria food. Trying not to think about the rock hard bed that I will get to sleep on. Trying to rationalize with Easton (my three year old) why he couldn't come with and stay with mommy and daddy. And going back to what I feel is like our second home. A place where you see familiar faces, and like Friends... 'where everybody knows your name'.

And there I sat with my sleeping baby in arms. Thinking about all the to do's and when am I going to get all those things done now. Sitting here rattling off every symptom, vital, medication, dosage, time, and therapy he has gotten in the past week or so to every doctor that enters the room. Realizing that for the last few months my brain has been in overdrive. Trying to remember this and that. Trying to keep it all straight. Trying hard to think about if I had time to brush my teeth in the last week.Trying to simply survive day to day, emotionally and physically.

I did not get one thing knocked out on my to do list. And not a single thing went as planned that day. There was a reason for that. I got to spend a couple days doing nothing. Nothing but snuggling this sweet precious boy, who knows me as his momma. It far surpasses a to do list, or a get stuff done day. It is the best thing in the world. And it gave me a moment to just pause and be thankful that I am able to be there for him, every single minute of every single day. A moment to allow me to pause, take a deep breath, and realize to do lists are not that important. What is important is right in front of me. And right now that is this little boy.

This sweet little boy who is fighting one hell of a fight. Who is followed by one strong mommy, daddy, and big brother. Who love him more than "the universe and beebob" as Easton says.