Its crazy to think about how many emotions one can feel in a lifetime, let alone in the matter of minutes. But the emotions I feel stepping back into Room 7 in the PICU. Well it was overwhelming. I almost turned around and asked for a different room.
Brecken was admitted to children's hospital for the second time in a month. He is having a lot of trouble managing his secretions as well as working a little harder at breathing. With the need for close observation and a little bit more supplemental oxygen, the team decided the PICU was the best place for him.
I hate seeing my baby struggle. But holy crap this little boy is one hell of a fighter! As you watch him lay in bed taking short shallow breaths, sounding like he is drowning on thick nasty secretions, he is there smiling and laughing with the nurses. He is strong!
As I type this, I sit in the same place they placed a breathing tube in my baby, the same place they told me that he had POLG, the same place in which I spent weeks and weeks at the bedside of my sweet Brecken, the same place where this all began December 28th. My stomach wont stop churning. It brings back the memories of things I don't want to remember. Things that will be part of our story for the rest of our lives. Things that suck.
But this room also reminds me of strength. It reminds me of patience. It reminds me of the day I got to hold my baby for the first time in weeks. It reminds me to sit down, take a deep breath, pray.
This room is exactly the place that we all need to be in right now. Its the place where the nurses and doctors are round the clock working on making Brecken feel better. They all know this boy. Not only because of his extended health history, but because of his smile. That smile that lights up a room. And today and tomorrow while he is here this room is going to be bright.
Brecken is strong. But we all stay strong for Brecken.